I'm going to go ahead and throw all the punks, metalheads, hipsters, scenesters, goths, et. al. into one big group I call music people, and that's a group I don't mind being in. Because we're out there, and we're pretty serious about something the greater portion of the population considers background noise for doing the dishes.
And the reason for this is I've noticed something-- no matter what job you have, you will find another music person. It's kind of weird.
I'm working at a fucking Kroger store, my job is emptying boxes and making pyramids out of apples. And I work with two people with whom I can have a coherent conversation about something about which I feel passionate. I think the last time I was in a situation where nobody at the workplace got it was the library in Glen Carbon, Il, which only had about ten employees anyway. Most of them middle-aged women (and while I'm sure there are middle-aged housewives who are also serious collecters, I haven't met any).
Laurie's one of the music people at Kroger, and you'll probably hear about her again, because she's also crazy. No, seriously.
This week she's pretty much discovered Joy Division, and now is in that part of her life where that's all she likes. Since I've had that phase (okay, about three times now), it's kind of cute. Suddenly everything, including Prince singing "When Doves Cry," has been influenced by the band.
At this point, I'm beginning to wonder where the Joy Division influence stops, and where it's just the band tapping into some primal music energy. Or maybe I should just stick to making fun of bands who did rip them off. Like, say, U2.

saw a kid at Kroger wearing an Attack Attack! shirt the other day. I kind of locked on to it to the extent that I started making him a little uncomfortable. It was like the lit teacher I had who had a beer-gut that was overdue to start contractions, or the lady at the local bank who has a mustache that's thicker than some guys I know can deliberately grow. You want to be polite, but you just sort of lock onto it.
I was surprised by this shirt because I honestly can't imagine somebody liking Attack Attack! I really can't, I think I've crossed the old-age line because I no longer understand kids these days.

This is what I'm rambling about:


Isn't it amazing?

Let's see what we have here. . . synchronized headbanging, nintendo synthesizers, some vocoders, vaguely virtuostic guitars, a pop culture reference in the title (which I doubt anybody in the audience will recognize). . . maybe it's a complete package for success.
But. . . it's lacking in every way.
I think what really puzzles me about contemporary bands is that they cram so many ideas into every song. It's as though the CNN soundbyte culture-- whereby every piece of information is condensed into a few sentences-- has permeated our art as well. We now have instant gratification music. Or maybe the imfamous Mr. Bungle (who skipped between genre's within their songs) has been more musically pervasive than I thought. Then again, I doubt Attack Attack! has ever listened to Mr. Bungle.
Then again, Mr. Bungle learned their tricks from Naked City and the Residents.
But Attack Attack! isn't the only band doing this anymore, I looked up the Icarus Line, a band touted by Skyscraper-- a now-defunct magazine I tended to agree with-- and they weren't a million miles off:


What am I supposed to grab onto here? Where's the hook? This could have (should have?) been four songs. Can we stop being clever and start writing? I think the last mainstream band to have an actual guitar hook was the White Stripes.
On the plus side, maybe rock has finally moved away from Nirvana, it only took a decade.
-- Mason

PS: I swear, I'll never make you watch YouTube again.
PPS: I found out about Attack Attack! because Mr. Gunder was nice enough to show me yourscenesucks.com a while back. Because nothing is funnier than making fun of scenesters.